The news...

One of the scariest days of my life...

Last spring, about a year ago, I received a phone call from my girlfriend Courtney. She simply asked me if I was at home. I told her yes and asked why. She said she had to talk to me and that she would be over in a minute. At this point I was so scared she was getting ready to break up with me. So in that minute I was waiting I sat there and was thinking about if I had done anything wrong or what I could do to make it better. And I just couldn't think of anything. She finally arrived at my house and I could tell something wasn't right just by the look on her face. I wasn't at all prepared for what she had to tell me... We went up into my room and sat down on the bed. I could tell she was nervous and upset. I could also tell that she was struggling to come up with the right words on how to tell me whatever it was she was about to tell me. My heart was beating soooo fast, as was hers. She finally just came out with it and that's when I heard the words, "I'm pregnant." At that moment, I didn't know what to think. I kind of just sat there blank and waited for what she just said to sink in. Then she started crying... and my heart just broke. All of our dreams, our ambitions, our goals were gone. It was just not what we had planned at all. I just took her in my arms and we cried and cried for about an hour. We had so much planned.. it was just not good timing for us at all. But we talked about it and said that we don't have to come up with any decisions on what we were going to do right away.

That night was the hardest night of my life. I couldn't sleep at all. I mean, we were in high school! We're 17 and 18 years old and are expected to be responsible for another life. I can't raise a kid, I'm still a kid! I want to go to college, hang with my friends, go out and do whatever I want. So many thoughts ran through my head that night and the following days. It just seemed unreal to me. Like, how on earth is this happening to us? Better.. why is this happening to us? I just didn't understand. It was too much for me to take in... just too much. I just couldn't imagine what was going to Courtney's head at the same time. She still has one more year of high school to finish. She wants to go to college. She wants to be a freakin' teenager! It was just killing me knowing that not only my life was "ruined" but so was hers.

A week or so went by and we eventually both broke the news to our parents. I broke the news to my mom after we had just finished eating dinner at Applebee's. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Seeing the look on her face, the look of shock, of disbelief, of disappointment. It was horrible. She was trying not to cry as was I. I think it was even harder for her because my dad was away on business in Mexico. Of course she called him that night. And the worst part was as I walked by their bedroom, I just heard her crying and I just broke down. From that moment on, I've felt like I've disappointed my parents. That has always been my biggest fear and it came to a reality. Up until this point in my life, I've done a few stupid things but I always got good grades, I was never arrested or in trouble with the law. I was a successful young man. Still to this day, I feel like I've just disappointed my parents and everyone else around me.

We decided to keep the baby. We definitely weren't going to get an abortion. Adoption was the next option, but both Courtney and I didn't think we could live our lives knowing we have a child out there somewhere. I don't know how anyone could do that. After discussion with our parents and with their financial support for the time being, we decided that keeping the baby was what we were going to do. We knew there were going to be sacrifices made and it was going to be extremely hard but we knew that's what we had to do. Eventually word somehow got out around school and by the end of the school year, pretty much everyone knew about it even though you couldn't really tell by looking at Courtney.

Christopher Zachary Jackson was born on September 8, 2008. Courtney and I were married on December 13, 2008. The two single best days of my life! This was something that I thought was going to ruin my life and has turned out the be a complete blessing! I thank God that I have my son in my life. Even now, looking back, I wouldn't change anything. Courtney and I are happy and we are making the best of our situation. As for me, I will be trying to show my parents that I can be that responsible man. I just want to give my family everything that I possibly can. I want to be able to give my son everything and more! I just want to prove to myself that I can do this, that this whole thing was not just a mistake. That it happened for a reason.

This is now my life.. and I'm proud of it!